Before I have the benefit of hindsight and, what I hope is the blessed relief that comes from knowing what happened during the Donald Trump presidency, I want to make a note of what it’s like right now.
It is December 15, 2017. I am awake at midnight, even though I should be waking up in six hours, because the uncertainty in the air is stifling, and occasionally suffocating. Two days ago I was elated to learn that Doug Jones had been elected the first democratic senator in Alabama in 15 years. Today I was distraught to learn that net neutrality has been repealed– this a week after an insane and nonsensical tax bill got one step further in congress. I am starting graduate school next month, and I have honestly no idea what the world will look like when I’m done. I’ll be in school for social work, a line of work that is chronically undervalued and underfunded, and which may either receive or distribute tax money from the government.
I am a white woman. I am cis and straight, and in the grand scheme of things I will probably be fine. I’ll take fewer trips. Maybe I won’t belong to a gym or buy a house, but I’ll be able to live comfortably enough. Knowing this does not stop the terror from threatening to rip my chest in half as I lie awake on nights like these, feeling powerless at the thought of my fate being in the hands of people I neither voted for nor trust with any area of my life.
Before I forget: this time right now is hard. I would not wish the torture of waiting for my rights to be taken away on anyone.
weary traveler 