I am exhausted because it’s the last week of the semester and also wide awake because well, of course I am (also: coffee). I’m nearing the 3/4 mark in my graduate program and am feeling the last semester of 10-12 hour days (thankfully not every day). A year ago— how could it possibly have been only a year ago— I was tired but still energized. I was finding within myself a fire fueled by anger about all the injustice I saw in the world and I was learning to tame and use that anger for the first time: intoxicating. I am still angry now but also spiritually exhausted and I haven’t even truly begun to work. I’m scared for the world and sometimes the idea that anything will ever change feels truly impossible. I keep trying to remind myself that humans have survived and adapted for thousands of years, overthrowing oppressive governments and healing each other (and the planet). It’s just so hard to hold on to hope when you’re tired and burnt out and broke.
There are glimmers of hope shining through the true dumpster fire of American politics and social welfare, though. I was part of a discussion today about the future of my field that left me feeling invigorated and humbled to be in the same group as people who are truly bringing their communities together. It is possible to do good, despite all the red tape and the low pay and the long hours. It is possible, and it is worth doing because forming deep and genuine connections between humans is a truly invaluable and irreplaceable magic. As long as I can be around that kind of magic and know that it is still possible, despite everything, I think I’ll be ok.
weary traveler 